He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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