Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
