So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize