Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
