rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
