just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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