i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Please don't give away my fajitas
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
