apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
zippers are such a cool invention
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
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