I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Damn victory sex feels great
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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