I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
