I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
