I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
