i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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