I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize