i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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