So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
