Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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