idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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