The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
