I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Found the puke drawer
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
