he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
