I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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