I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize