u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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