You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize