I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
