I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
