I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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