where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Too much gin, very little bucket
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
