HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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