he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
