I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
