My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
