why didn't you poke me back
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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