ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize