and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you would pick up someone in the library
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
