booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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