WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
