I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
