just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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