haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
