Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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