After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
