you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
