It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
