You made me cry and you don't even care
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
