in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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