Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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