i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
