I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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