I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
