I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
