Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
what day is it and did you see me today?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
