There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I can't put those talents on a resume
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
