I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize