what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
