I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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