I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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