I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
