when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I've blown a few things in my day
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
