you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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