My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
