I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize