What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
