Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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