When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
