New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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