Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just pee around me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
