Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My room smells like vodka and shame
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
