I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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