Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
His hands were made for my vagina.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
