I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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