Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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