Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
