Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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