I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he fucked my hip out of place.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize