is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
