Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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