Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
